If someone would have told me a few years ago I would not only become a solo traveler but would continue to fall in love with it, I would never have believed them. Even in my current daily life I don’t go to movies or restaurants alone, yet I thrive on solo adventures around the world, even finding I often prefer to go it alone. As the saying goes, “life begins at the end of your comfort zone,” and for me that certainly became true once I started traveling solo. It is through these experiences I hope to continue gaining confidence and learning about myself.
Hands down, the best part about traveling on my own is getting to do what I want when I want, and that includes doing absolutely nothing with no one around to judge. It’s disappointing to be up early and ready to explore only to wait on companions, or to need rest on your trip but feel pressured by your mate to always be on the go. Maybe you prefer museums but your friend likes shopping, your spouse likes sporting events but you’d rather take an architectural tour; a solo traveler only has to think of themselves for a change! Additionally, there is a huge sense of accomplishment when you plan a trip, master the bus route, find an off-the-beaten path destination all on your own. And if you do need help, just strike up a conversation with someone around you. You are much more likely to engage with the people and culture when you’re traveling alone, and they are likewise more than willing to bring a solo traveler into their circle. I have made new friends from around the world on every one of my trips who I still keep in touch with. Safety is always a concern when traveling, but I would argue that as a solo traveler my awareness is heightened and I make sure someone knows my plans and when I have arrived safely at each destination.
The most common question I am asked is if I get lonely. Though I mostly keep myself too busy to notice, I’d be lying if I said it never happened and recognize being alone is not the same as being lonely. There are definitely times I’m witnessing an impressive waterfall or beautiful sunset, and I turn to share the experience with someone only to find there’s no one there. That becomes a perfect time to practice mindfulness in the present moment and feel the loving presence of a higher power. If a tree falls in the woods and I’m the only one there to hear it, it still makes a sound, perhaps more special because it was for my ears only. I also don’t hesitate to share these incredible moments with complete strangers and feel the powerful bond of humankind. And I talk to myself a lot, like a lot a lot.
I’m honored when friends tell me they are inspired by my solo travels, but then saddened when they follow up with how they could never do it themselves. Well, I didn’t think so either until I just did it. A great resource for information, motivation, and debunking myths is www.solotravelerworld.com and their Facebook page Solo Travel Society in addition to tons of inspiring solo female travelers on Instagram such as Where In The World Is Nina, Traveling Jackie, and of course Me! Truthfully, I eased into solo travel quite by accident with a yoga retreat and loved it so much I just kept going, getting more and more independent each time. Below are the highlights from my solo trips so far, what I got right, and where I’m still growing.
I suffered a terrible loss in the fall of 2015 and needed to get away with the goal of finding a path to healing. I only had minimal yoga experience but thought a retreat may be a good idea, and I found a wonderful escape at Xinalani in Mexico. I remember trying to talk myself out of the week long package and opt for only a few days because I was so anxious about being alone with my thoughts. Their 4 and 8 bed shared rooms were sold out, but they allowed me to book one bed in a double room with an unknown roommate who I connected with briefly over email prior to the trip. I brought tons of books and solo activities to do as I nervously pictured myself being alone for a week straight. I did not touch any of them. Our first night, they seated all the solo females together at a large table for dinner, and I was surprised just how many other women had traveled there alone, some experienced solo travelers and others for the first time. We sat down as strangers and left as friends, sharing our reasons for coming, stories about our lives, and encouraging each other through the physical and spiritual challenges of the week. With the retreat location being rather isolated and many activities pre-arranged, some of us stuck together all week. There were others who chose to be alone for the day and met up at meals, the beauty of doing whatever you want without worrying about hurting anyone’s feelings as you would with a well-known companion. It’s your choice to do your own thing or join the group, and you can make your mind up with your mood each day. With the group I felt more confident leaving the resort grounds and exploring the neighboring village. We met the campers staying nearby on the beach and got to learn about their lives as nomadic travelers. There was even a mom on this trip who skyped with her husband and kids each morning before beginning her day, dispelling any misconception that solo travel is only for single people. To read my full blog about this trip, click here.
The following year I wanted to recapture the magic of my first solo retreat, this time in Costa Rica. I originally found a similarly structured isolated yoga resort called Anamaya up in the hills of Montezuma. Although that experience would have no doubt been wonderful, I wanted to push myself a little further out of my comfort zone and ultimately chose Los Mangos, a hotel in town that offered yoga retreat packages as well as ala carte classes. Initially I wanted to stay in their hostel building to meet people, but it was sold out which left me in a cute private bungalow. In addition to joining other guests in the yoga classes, I figured out by the reviews which surf school they used and purchased an individual class, and it was here that I met many of the group I would spend my time with throughout the week. Without the structure of included meals at a retreat dining hall, I got to experience much more of the local cuisine though I admit eating alone is the toughest part of solo travel. Fortunately, two of the girls from class recognized me in a restaurant and invited me to join them. A small ever changing group would then meet each night after yoga to go out to dinner. Again, if anyone didn’t want to join, they didn’t have to since you owe no explanation (which begs to question why we are more true to ourselves with strangers than with loved ones). Outside of the failed surf lesson, I spent most days on my own discovering the town, beaches, hillside, and restaurants. I met other travelers doing activities such as snorkeling, horseback riding, and zip-lining. I shared transportation with others, always exchanging stories of their lives and travels. “There are no strangers here, only friends you haven’t met yet.” Checkout the full details of this trip here.
Later that year I was already itching to go solo again, this time pushing it to two weeks in Greece. Based on my previous experiences, I fully expected to meet new travelers in each of my three locations with which to spend my time but that did not end up being the case (and guess what, I was ok!). My first week was at the amazing Live-Bio in Galatas where I participated in their weeklong package full of activities and meals. I was surprised to learn I was the only one who had opted for this and spent most of my days one-on-one with the lovely owners who then introduced me to their friends, locals and ex-pats alike. I also had some free time to wander on my own with their advice. There were a few nights when they cooked dinner for all the guests who would then share the meal in their home or invite anyone interested to a local taverna in town. This was such a great way to learn about the Greek culture and meet new people from around the world. I would spend the second week on the Cycladic Islands of Santorini and Ios in traditional hotel settings. Hoping to connect with others in Santorini, I asked at check-in if there were any other solo travelers staying there and she looked at me confused (and there weren’t). Ios was a little more solo traveler friendly but catered to the young party crowd. I filled my days on both islands with activities on my own from walking along the caldera to hiking a volcano in Santorini and visiting ancient ruins to relaxing on the beach in Ios. I had a few passing conversations with an Israeli tour guide and her husband at my hotel, a mature solo female traveler from France at the beach, and a young Filipino backpacker on the bus (ok and a donkey who loved selfies), but I was surprised this week to not have found people to join for activities and meals. Dining solo on an island known for romantic getaways proved challenging, both in the staff’s understanding that I wanted a table for one and emotionally being surrounded by couples while I still struggle with grief. Yet I made it through by mindfully enjoying the food and atmosphere and am stronger for it! I also listened to myself and if the thought of a meal out alone was triggering negative feelings, I skipped it opting for a picnic of leftovers on my hotel balcony. I think my mistake here (if you want to see it that way, I don’t necessarily), was choosing a traditional hotel setting over a retreat or hostel, but I truly enjoyed this time getting to know myself. I loved this trip to Greece so much I wrote four blogs about it: General Info, Live-Bio, Santorini, and Ios.
My most recent solo trip earlier this year was to Maui, another honeymoon destination that in no way felt like that to me. Learning from my previous experience, I opted to stay at my first hostel at 39 years old. Through research and reviews I found the nicest most un-hostel-like shared guest house called The Lahaina Beach House. It was here more myths were busted when I learned I was nowhere near the oldest person in the house, but also that I would instantly find my group for the week turned out to be false. With people of all ages and interests coming and going at different times, I was on my own again and it turned out to be a wonderful experience! My days were jam packed with activities and the amazing scenery of Maui blew me away. I felt compelled to greet every passerby on the street and chat up strangers whose eyes were witnessing the beauty along with me. By staying at the hostel, I had access to a full kitchen so I did not need to dine solo though when I did want to enjoy the delicious food, I found I was getting more comfortable with it through the fake it til you make it motto. I also would bring a book if I felt weird so I could distract myself but often did not need it. I even had people tell me it was inspiring to see me traveling alone and enjoying myself, less so than the pity I felt in Greece (whether real or imagined). For a detailed itinerary, click here.
So yes, solo travel is accessible to anyone at any age in any circumstances! If you want a taste, just book an extra few days alone before or after a family trip (I had planned to do this for a family wedding in Cancun because the flight was much cheaper to leave on a different day, but unfortunately had to cancel due to a hurricane). Easing in with a wellness retreat or solo traveler group trip such as Flashpack which caters to professionals in their 30s & 40s is a good way to get started. With each successive trip, I have pushed my boundaries further and gained greater understanding of who I am and who I want to become. This helps me back home to be a confident single woman able to enjoy solo activities such as hiking or going by myself to community yoga classes. And though I love my solo trips, I have enjoyed many trips with friends in between using what I have learned to enhance the experience such as not having to always do everything together. I have many more trip ideas floating around in my head so even I’m excited to see where I will choose next! Please feel free to share your favorite solo travel destinations!